Maesa's Diary
by groovygurlkatie
Summary: A girls struggle between who she is and who she want's to be.
1. Chapter 1

21st of Last Seed

I was smuggling skooma across to Bravil for Ri'saad. Of course just my luck I managed to stumble into a Imperial and Stormcloak ambush. Of course I pleaded with the Imperials to let me go, that I wasn't a Stormcloak. She started to let me go and I thought I was free. As I was feeling the relief spread through me, another guard told me to wait first so she could search me to be sure. Well of course she found the skooma.

I was sent to the chopping block with the rest of the Stormcloaks. You could hear rumbling in the air like nothing I'd ever heard before. There was a Nord man beside me to my right and to my left was a Nord woman.

Something struck me about her, as if I knew she was important. She had very light blonde hair almost platinum pale blue eyes and pale skin, just about everything about her was faint in color. I had never seen anyone who had looked like her. Yet I could just tell she was different, special somehow. She was wearing the rags the Imperials handed out like me instead of Stormcloak armor so I assumed she was not a Stormcloak.

A woman, probably a priest of Arkay, started reading our rights. When a man interrupted and went straight for the chopping block. I felt kind of sick as I watch his head fall into the basket. I wanted to run, scream and cry all at once, but my feet stayed locked in place.

Next they called my name, I felt my feet move of there own accord. I seemed to have no control over my body as I got down on my knees preparing to lose my head. Soundly a dragon landed on the tower behind the executioner, causing him to drop his axe. Everything was on fire it was mesmerizing, I don't really remember much of the escape after that it seems to be one big blur. We did manage to make out side me, the girl and a Imperial solider. What the solider name was I can't remember, but I do know the girl said her name was Runa. I write this down in particular I want to remember this I feel it will be important.

I split up with them after that, I thought it was for the best. I headed straight for Whiterun after that to let Ri'saad know I couldn't do this no more. He understood of course and I stayed with them a couple of days in Whiterun. I hunted and gathered while we were there and thought about what I wanted to do for a living. I decided on being a traveling merchant since it is all I have ever known.

I traveled with Ri'saad and his caravan to Markarth as we were approaching the city I decided to stop and sell to the farmers there. One of them asked me to deliver a letter to his son at Old Hrolden, I couldn't say no so I said yes even though it was a tad out of the way.

I purchased a room at the Silver Blood in and Sold potions to the Hags Cure and made a fair amount of coin there. I will be leaving in the morning but I must say I will miss this city. It is my favorite out of them all the gleaming Dwemor ruins that shimmer all around is breath taking. I hope one day I have enough coin to purchase a home here.

Maesa Gabini


	2. Chapter 2

22nd of Last Seed

I started traveling fairly early eating my customary apple for breakfast, as they say a apple a day keeps the doctor away. I headed over to Old Hrolden, it was about noon when I arrived. I delivered the letter to the farmers son he didn't say much about it, but he paid me so I was happy.

I stepped into the inn and a young boy came to take my order, I was rather surprised. I asked him if he was a bit mature for his age and he replied rather rudely, but I ordered a slice a pie and sat down and ate anyway.

Not even ten feet from the inn was the bodies of a man and a woman. The girl's diary was on a stump next to her body I read it. She had snuck away with a peasant boy without her father's consent because they were in love. The more I thought about it the more I realized her father was at fault here.

I thought deeply about love for the next hour, did they really love each other? Was there love worth there life. Or were they content to have spent there last moments of there life with each other. My mother said she had only loved me and my father, but look were her love had gotten her, a early grave.

I was so involved with my thoughts about love, that I almost didn't see the Forsworn woman charging at me with the intent to kill. I jumped back and scampered up a mountain. While she was trying to figure out how to get were I was I shot a well placed arrow to head and killed her. I was almost to Solitude when I found a dead woman and carriage she was obviously a merchant like me, but not as lucky her carriage was littered with Forsworn arrows and it was easy to guess what happened to her. I left some mountain flowers around her as my sign of respect and carried on with my journey.

When I entered the city it was pouring, I was soaked to the bone. The first thing I noticed was a group of people gathered to my left, it was a execution. A small girl talked about how they couldn't hurt uncle Rogveir and her father told her to go home. He had committed treason and let Ulfric escaped. It sickened me so much death over this damned war, I left before it was over I just couldn't handle it.

I ducked into the local alchemy shop, the older lady there asked if I had been to Whiterun. I saw no reason to be dishonest and told her I had. She was delighted and explained her daughter had been assigned to Whiterun because of the war. She hadn't heard from her and was worried about her. I of course told her I would do all I could to help. She said to talk to Captain Alvis, I agreed and sold her what potions I had.

I was a tad curious about the Bards college. I had been named after my grandmother who was a bard, but I dismissed the idea quickly. I went and talked to the Captain, I saw his face fall when I mentioned Angela's daughter. He explained the skirmishes in Whiterun had been violent, the Angela's daughter was sent out with a group to scout the area. They happened upon a large force, none of them made it back alive.

The idea of going back and telling this woman her daughter was dead killed me. There it was death again, Skyrim just seemed to be riddled with it, was there no happiness anywhere? I thought of having a few drinks before I went to tell her, but I knew I had to do this sober. After wrestling with this for a few hours I went to tell her.

She was so eager to hear what news I had brought her about her daughter. Tears streamed down her face as she told me that she told her daughter that the Imperials would kill her. She said it was brave of me to come with to her with the news of her daughter and that she couldn't thank me for it though. I told her I understood and left, it broke my heart to see that woman so hopeless.

I went to the Winking Skeever and got a room and got drunk enough that I would forget the death I saw today.

When I awoke with a killing hangover I realized I had quite some sticky fingers while I was drunk. Which I suppose in someway covered about half of what I spent on mead and wine. I'm gonna drink a hangover potion and eat a apple then I'll head out for Dawnstar.

Maesa Gabini


	3. Chapter 3

23rd of Last Seed

The cold air nips at my skin as I travel through Skyrim. I miss Morrowind and the warm marshes. It looks so similar to home here sometimes and yet so different. Sometimes it is so blindly white from the snow it almost hurts your eyes. It's hard to believe such natural beauty exist, but yet here it is.

About halfway from Dawnstar I encountered a bandit in a torn down house. She fiercely fought wielding a warhammer. I felt sure that I would die. She even shouted 'are you prepared to die.' I was so terrified because I wasn't there is so much to live for, sometimes I forget how much there really is to lfe that have not yet experienced. I managed to aim and hit her with a arrow to the chest but not before she injured me.

It makes me wonder how they justify living that sort of life. Even when my mother had nothing, but a child to feed she never turned to something like that. Do the countless they've killed keep them up at night? Or has it just become another part of life for them.

As traditional the first place I went into was the alchemy shop, The Mortal and Pestle. I didn't have much to sell. It was so icy here hardly anything grew but I sold her what I had. Trying to put off going out into the wintery wind outside I asked her how she got into the alchemy business. She explained that her husband had gotten her into it and they were looking for some sort of Alchemy artifact, before the cold took his life. She had found the rings resting place, but now she was to old to fulfill her late husbands' wishes. I told her I would go and search for it for her, to put my conscience at rest. She told me if I actually could bring it back she'd give me a couple potion recipes, which seemed a fair trade.

As I walked into the inn I managed to overhear a group of people were arguing about nightmares. I had heard talk of nightmares all over town and felt it was a problem I could no longer ignore. After the two girls left I walked up to the man who looked to be a priest of Mara. He told me the whole town was being plagued by nightmares. Which was a shock considering it was a entire town. I asked him what could he do, since dreams aren't real. He said these dreams were caused by Deadric Prince. I asked him how he planned to stop a Deadric prince when he was but a mere mortal. He said he needed to return to NIghtstalker tower and asked if I would assist him in going there. I quickly caught on to the word return and questioned him about it. He said he had already said to much here and didn't want to throw the town into a panic. I wanted so bad to tell him no I absolutely would not accompany him to his death, but my conscience would not allow that.

After a night at the inn and a quick breakfast I followed Errandor to the temple and to what I thought would be my death. We fought a few spider s outside and I was hoping that was all that would be in there.

Before we entered Erandor told me the place was filled with Orcs and priest of Varmeana, but they were asleep but when we went in it would awaken them all. After going a bit of the ways in we came across a barrior. Errandor said the priest must have activated it, I confronted him about all his knowledge about this place. He admitted he used to be a priest of Vermeana, I told him he should have been honest. I hated lying and I was risking my life for this guy.

After finding a book he needed he basically told me I would be a test subject for a potion that might kill me, if it didn't I would be able to enter people's dreams. As I searched for the Tarpor I collected other alchemy ingredients there were so many rare types, I was overjoyed. Holding the elixir in my hands I found a overwhelming since of fear, but it was to late and I knew I couldn't turn back now.

What happened next was the strangest thing. I can't recall much of what I saw now, I just remember faces of people I've never met and the awful sound of steel and flesh colliding. I then woke up on the floor in some type of barroir thing. I took the soul gem that was kepping the barrior, trying to ignore the severe headache I felt.

Errandor seemed amazed our plan actually worked, I was mostly relieved. We continued onward towards the sanctum of Varmeana, the farther we went the more my apprehension grew. As we got the inner sanctum we were confronted by Errandor's friends. They were angry and considered him traitor, Errandor tried to convince them otherwise, but they were not going to let us stop Varmeana. After a long and hard a battle that I barely escaped, Errandor and I won. I heard Varmeana talk into my head, it was one of the worst feelings I have ever felt. She commanded me to kill Errandor and some part of me wanted to. Like she was taking control of my body, I stood there using all my willpower to just watch him finish up the ceremony.

We said our goodbyes after that, he offered to accompany me. But I turned him down I would never be able to look him in the eye after wanting to kill him so bad like I did. I'm in the inn now as I write this it is getting late, I plan to travel to Winterhold first thing in the morning, I have had enough of this town.

Maesa Gabini


	4. Chapter 4

24th of Last Seed

I awoke early not wanting to stay here any longer, on my way out I stopped by the blacksmith to sell some armor that I had picked up from the temple. A book I had also picked up fell out of my bag, he said his wife wanted it for their unborn baby. I normally wouldn't give up a book, but I made a exception. I thought more about love, they seemed to be content, safe and in love, maybe it was truly possible to be in love and happy.

While I was traveling I happened upon a bandit fort, imagine my luck after fighting off a Deadric prince I was expected to fight off bandits. I snuck around thankfully and marked it on my map to avoid it for future reference.

I stumbled across a man, he looked to be a Wood Elf, gods only knows what he was doing. He didn't look to be a bandit and only shouted 'never should have come here' before he attacked me. He was strong just as strong as me if not more so. If I was smart I would have tried and ran, but pride would not let me. I had just stood up to Deadric prince, I was under no circumstances gonna be pushed around by some man. After a agonizingly long battle I came out victorious and continued on my way.

As I walked into town I remembered how desolate and broken it was. After a wave came and took most of the city there wasn't much left. Personally I don't mind spell casters and I have trouble believing the college is the cause of this destruction, that is what happens when you build your town on a cliff surrounded by water.

A corouir ran up to me and said he had a letter for me, my hands only from a jarl. I was rather shocked considering I'm just a merchant. It was from the jarl of Falkreath offering me a chance to become a Thane. I had no interest in that, considering how stuck up those fancy rich people are.

Since Winterhold only has a general good store and a inn I went into the general good store. Her stock was almost sad, but I sold what I could there.

Turns out I sprained my ankle during my fight with the wood elf, A wizard here at the inn put on spell on it and it should be good by morning. As I lay here now in bed I am amazed at what I have accomplished in these short days. I am but a merchant and yet I have done so much good, I hope my mother would be proud.

Maesa Gabini


End file.
